Here's to Second Chances

I just got back from saying goodbye to a friend. I've said goodbye to a lot people in my time in Korea, as that seems to be the nature of living as an expat in a foreign country. You let people into your lives, only to watch them leave a short while later. It makes things hard, as you begin to question what it means to be a true friend and what role the people you meet really play in your life. The true friends, you stay in contact with. And the rest end up just making you feel a little more popular on Facebook.

But that's not this issue here. This time the goodbye was a lot different. This friend was from Korea, and this friend didn't want to leave. But the way things have gone for him these past few months, leaving his home country was just about the only option he had.

Let me start by saying that this friend has shared some amount of notoriety in this country for both his past success and other recent events. It doesn't really matter who it is or specifically what caused this to happen, but it does seem that the extent of the ruling issued, when compared to the others who were also involved in greater or lesser degrees, was based more on his level of prominence than the actual degree in which he took part in the activity.

I'm not trying to say that he's innocent. But I'm also not going to say that he's as guilty as he's been made out to be. There are a lot of other factors involved, not the least being that those pointing the fingers have accepted absolutely no blame for what has happened. But this isn't a discussion about guilt or innocence. This is a question about second chances.

Why is Korean society so unwilling to offer second chances? Time and time again since I've been here, I have seen how TV personalities, singers, athletes, and former presidents have been turned from national heroes to public enemy #1 seemingly overnight. Including in my friend's case, the court rulings were one thing, but it was the social backlash from the media and bloodthirsty bloggers that has risen each of these situations to a much higher level. Legally, you can fulfill what's required of you and move on with your life. But in a place like this, you can likely never escape the nasty looks, whispers, and discrimination of the public eye.

I get it. This is culture that is based much more heavily on the idea of public shame than what I'm used to back home. I don't want to make a judgement call on the right way of handling justice, but there has to be a point where enough is enough. A point where those pointing the fingers should step back and ask themselves, "How much of this is my fault?" A point where someone can make up for their past actions and move on. In Korea, however, it seems like that point is rarely reached. And in this information age, spreading shame and rumors has never been easier. I know that's not easy anywhere, but, at least to me, it seems like getting those type of opportunities to hit the restart button are particularly rare here.

Maybe I'm just down because I know someone who's now been mixed up in this type of thing. I don't know. It's sad that it's come to this. That is all.

I am happy, however, that he does have a second chance. Maybe not in this country, but I thank God that someone has given him the opportunity to try to start things anew. Someone was willing to reach out at a time when it seemed that everyone else had turned their back. That's a true blessing because, otherwise, I don't know what he would have done. Too often these kind of stories have tragic ends, but at least this time, there's a new chapter.

The way I see it, the only way my friend will be welcome back into this country with smiles is if he is able to make a name for himself abroad, as likely or unlikely as that may be. He isn't going anywhere glamourous, but it's a start. Korea likes nothing more than to see Koreans getting attention in other places, and there's no doubt that if he found a way to do that, he'd be given the hero's welcome in an instant. It would be like nothing ever happened. They'd love him for what he's done outside Korea and just conveniently overlook the part about how they sent him there.

The question at that point would be how he would react if that happened. Would want to come back, or would he turn his back on the country that so fervently turned it's back on him? Honestly, I don't think he would. I've been really impressed by how he's dealt with this whole period of trial, and I believe he would prefer to become a part of the solution, rather than the problem. Unlike some people, he believes in second chances.

Good luck, My friend! 화이팅!